RELATIONSHIP HELP FOR COUPLES, polyamory/CNM, & INDIVIDUALS:

Overview:

Couples: Most relationships will experience the normal ups and downs with individuals having differences in reactions and abilities to cope. These issues can result in patterns of disengagement from the relationship, apathy, dissatisfaction, and can also produce self-reinforcing, maladaptive patterns of interacting with one another. There are many possible reasons for these negative patterns including issues of the individual (e.g., ill health, insecure attachment history), environmental stressors (e.g., financial problems, loss), difficult decisions/choices (e.g., career changes, family planning), and between the couple (e.g., non-consensual infidelity, poor communication/understanding). There can also be the influence of other family members or friends that can have a profound influence on the conduct, responses and actions of the individuals in a relationship. More often than not, issues are impacted by a combination of two or more factors and many times these issues are not just one of the members of the couple who exhibit such difficulties.

Polyamory/CNM: Many people enter open relationships that are formed through trust and built with effective communication. These relationships often have unique challenges that may differ from other forms of relationships by residing in a couple-centric society. For example, consensual non-monogamy and polyamorous relationships are respected forms of intimacy also supported at SOGIA. Our providers acknowledge and support the many ways that people can form intimate loving relationships that can include multiple partners.

Individuals: The end of a relationship or perpetual loneliness can increase the need of an individual to seek help from a therapist. At times, the grief of the loss of a relationship can be so difficult that there can be an impact on everyday living (e.g., poor appetite, poor work performance, narrowing of attention to the loss), and also sole focus on judgment and blame. Individuals may also want to explore their attachment histories, examine their love languages, or understand their sexual and romantic interests in a safe non-judgmental environment.

NOTE: Most relationship issues are shared equally regardless of sexual orientation or gender. 2SLGBTQIA+clients do deal with common sociocultural issues that can impact the relationship such as heteronormativity, homophobia, transphobia, and legal discrimination. For example, 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals may experience relational ambiguity from being in different stages of the coming out process that can lead to differences in public displays of affection, how they discuss their relationship with others, or keeping one another separate from other areas of their lives (e.g., work, family, spiritual practices). In many jurisdictions committed 2SLGBTQIA+couples desiring a family are denied access family planning options (e.g., adoption) leaving them childless and feeling excluded.

Symptoms:

• You and your significant other/s are always fighting (calling each other names, talking over one another)

• Rare communication (either avoidance or disagreement)

• You and your spouse seem to want different discordant things

• Having sexual or intimacy difficulties

• Cannot agree on important issues (finances, parenting strategies, politics)

• Secrets or lies between one another

Therapy Options:

There are many forms of relationship/s therapy that are used to support dyads and members of a polyamory relationship who have determined that professional support may be useful. Additionally, goals can include communication skills, conflict resolution, intimacy and engagement, and many other specific skills and needs of those in romantic relationships. Although there are different types of relationship/couples therapy and therapeutic orientations, most forms of relationship/couples therapy tend to have the following components:

1. Interventions/assignments that support change developed at the onset of therapy that are focused on solutions.

2. The relationship/couples therapist focuses on treating the relationship/s, rather than each individual independently.

3. A focus on a specific problem in the relationship (e.g., infidelity, jealousy, sexual difficulties/differences) or life stressors impacting the relationship (e.g., financial strain, empty nest, family planning)

4. A clear establishment of treatment objectives/goals.